Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. Sid
asked Al, “I wonder if there any people of our faith born and raised
in Mexico Al replied, “I don’t know, let’s ask our waiter.”

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, “Are there any Mexican Jews?”
The waiter said, “I don’t know Senor, I’ll ask the cooks.”
He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said “No, Senor, no
Mexican Jews.

Al wasn’t really satisfied with that and asked, “Are you absolutely
sure?” The waiter, realizing he was dealing with “Gringos[see footnote]” gave the
expected answer, “I will check again, Senor!” and went back into the
kitchen.

While the waiter was away, Sid said, “I find it hard to believe that
there are no Jews in Mexico, our people are scattered everywhere.”

The waiter returned and said “Senor, the head cook said there
is
no Mexican Jews.” “Are you certain?” Al asked once again. “I can’t
believe there are no Mexican Jews!”

“Senor, I ask EVERYONE,” replied the exasperated waiter, “All we have
is Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews, and Grape Jews.

---

[footnote] Mexico , Central America, and northern South America: In these countries the word normally means specifically a U.S. citizen, regardless of language spoken or ethnic origin. Its use is sometimes derogatory. However, in Mexico the term “gabacho” is much more commonly used than “gringo” when referring to such a person. This should not be confused with gachupín, which is used only for people of Spanish origin, and makes reference to the Spanish colonists of the 15th century.

Southern South America: In these countries a gringo is a person from North America, and the term is less derogatory than in northern Latin America.

In Brazil the word most often just means foreigner (when used as a noun) or foreign (as an adjective), or it may refer more specifically to the typical foreigner that visits the country as a tourist: very light-skinned and/or hailing from a first-world country. It is most often not pejorative, and may even carry positive connotations, especially when used as an adjective.

The Anglosphere: Hispanic migrants in the USA occasionally use the term as a synonym of Anglo. Most English language speakers have met the word in Western films.^{[citation needed]} In the United States, the term can provoke reactions incommensurate with its largely innocuous Spanish-language sense.

A rabbi was walking down the street when he noticed one of his congregants on the other side of the street entering a Chinese restaurant. The rabbi crossed the street to peer in the window of the restaurant to see what his congregant was doing in the trayf restaurant.

The congregant ordered some ribs and some fried shrimp. The rabbi continued to watch. Soon, the waiter brought ribs and shrimp. The congregant was eagerly devouring it with a hearty appetite when the shocked rabbi, unable to contain himself, burst into the restaurant to confront his congregant.

“Stop!” the rabbi shouted. “How could you do this? How could you eat this food? It’s ribs and shrimp. It’s trayf!”
“Hold on,” said the congregant. “Rabbi, did you see me walk into this restaurant?”
“Yes, I did,” replied the rabbi.
“Did you see me sit down at this table?”
“Yes, I did,” the rabbi again testified.
“Did you see me order?”
“I most certainly did,” the rabbi attested.
“Did you see the waiter bring this food to my table?” the congregant asked.
“Yes, I did,” the rabbi again affirmed.
“Did you actually see me eating the ribs and the shrimp?” asked the
congregant.
“Yes, I did. I watched you the entire time!” exclaimed the rabbi.
“Well, then,” the congregant said calmly, “what’s the problem? It was all done under rabbinic supervision.”

Moshe wants to buy a parrot and goes to his local pet shop to
see what they have.
The assistant shows him a parrot and explains that this one is really quite
special since it can speak most languages. So Moshe decides to test this out.
“Do you speak English?” asks Moshe.
“Yes” replied the parrot.
“Hablas Espanol?”
“Si”.
“Parlez vous Francais?”
“Oui”
“Sprechen Sie Deutsch?”
“Jawohl”.
“Falas Portugues?”
“Sim”.
Moshe pauses for a while then asks the parrot: “Redst Yiddish?”
The parrot shrugs it shoulders and says:
“Mit aza a nuz, vus meins du?”

A Jewish grandmother giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife:

“You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”

“Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow”?

“You’re coming empty handed?”

A young Jewish Mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.

“Behave, my bubaleh” she says.

“Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!”

“And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh. Your Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!”

At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.

“So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?”

The boy answers, “I learned my name is Sammy.”

Moyshe couldn’t sleep one night. He was tossing and turning for hours. When his wife couldn’t take any more she asked him for an explanation. He told her that he owes Dovid from across the road 10.000$. He is supposed to pay it back the next day and he hasn’t got the money.

His wife got out of bed, opened up the window and screamed:”DOVID, DOVID!!” out the window, until the light in Dovid’s house lit up. She told Dovid that her husband doesn’t have the money which he owes him.

She returned to her bed and told her husband:” It’s all right you can go to sleep now. It is Dovid who won’t be able to sleep instead.

Jerry, a non-observant Jew, was telling his troubles to his friend Dave.

“My son graduated high school and traveled across Europe to find himself. He
ended up in Israel and started studying in a yeshiva. Now he keeps kosher,
won’t go anywhere on Saturdays, and wears his fringes out in public. He is
an embarrassment to me in front of my friends.”

Dave agreed that Jerry was in a tough predicament. Sometime later the two hooked up again and Dave asked Jerry if things were any better.

“Better?!” said Jerry.

“They have gotten much worse. My daughter also ended up studying in a Jewish seminary,
and now she is engaged to marry a Hasid! Could things get any worse than
that?”

“That really is tough”, replied Dave. He thought for a moment and said “Maybe you should check your mezuzahs