Gershon-Lehrer.be

A little Jewish grandmother gets on a crowded bus and discovers that she doesn’t have correct change for the fare.
The driver tries to be firm with her, but she places her hand delicately over her heart and murmurs, “If you knew what I had, you’d be nicer to me.”
He caves in and lets her ride for free.
She uses the same technique to move down the crowded aisle, and ultimately to get a seat on the overcrowded bus.
A woman who had been watching all this leaned over and said to her, “I know this is none of my business, but just what is it that you’ve got, anyway?”
The little Jewish grandmother smiled and said, “Chutzpah.”
(Country Yossi)

The latest telephone poll taken by the Florida Governor’s office, asked whether people who live in Florida think illegal immigration is a serious problem:
29% of respondents answered: “Yes, it is a serious problem.”
71% of respondents answered: “No es una problema seriosa.”
(Country Yossi)

Sadie Cohen lived in an integrated neighborhood on Long Island. Her neighbor was a very generous black woman who stopped in one Saturday and asked, “Mrs. Cohen, I have to go to NYC this afternoon to meet my daughter; can I get you anything?

Mrs. Cohen thanked her and exclaimed, “Listen, I have a commuter’s ticket for the train. Why don’t you use my ticket and you’ll bring it back tonight. After all, it’s paid for – why should you pay extra?”

The neighbor thanked her and got on the train. As the conductor came through the train, he happened to glance at the ticket and noticed the name ‘Sadie Cohen.’ “Excuse me madam, are you Sadie Cohen, the person whose name appears on this ticket?”

The woman smiled sweetly and shook her head affirmatively.

A little suspicious, the conductor asked, “Would you let me compare signatures? Would you please sign your name?”

The black lady turned indignantly and snapped, “Are you meshuga? You want me to write on Shabbos?”
(Country Yossi)